3 years on after transplant

This time 3 years ago, I was in ITU, in severe pain on my right side and coming in and out of consciousness due to hypoglycemia.  My sugar levels were as low as 1.5/2. I remember muttering Aleena's name as I felt I was slipping away. I'm not sure how loud I spoke out her name but the patient next to me who I adopted as a sasa (he was Bengali and gave me lots of courage in my very very dark hours) he kept telling his nurse to come and check on me.

I feel like I fought with every fibre in my body for my daughter.  I kept worrying who would look after and her needs without me. Having a child with special needs and disabilities really makes you realise how it is important our health is for their sake.  I also kept making dua and crying 'la illaha illalahu, muhammadur rasulallah' because I truly felt like those were my last moments.

One way I felt scared but another way, I just wanted all the hardship to end. In that moment I left all my trust in Allah swt. But I could not stop picturing my childrens faces and especially Aleena's face. Isam was so young and he had gotten used to his new routine. In the beginning when I got hospitalised he would look for me but then slowly he adapted to everyone around him.

Aleena however, she's too attached to me and I knew inside, she'd be broken and distraught even if she didn't show it.

That night I kept crying to Allah swt to give me life for her sake. I can't explain what a scary position I was in just that night. The medical team had explained to me about the likelihood of inducing me into a coma but also that my INR was dangerously high to the point that transplant may not be an option.

I remember the team coming in and discussing that the transplant needed to happen asap but there were no donors.

At about 12am the junior doctor came to tell me that there was a likely donor but tests needed to be ran to see how healthy the liver was. I was told at around 4am that the transplant was going ahead early morning and the nurse would prepare me.

The sasa (uncle) next to me gave me so much encouragement before my family joined me at around 7am! I wasn't actually expecting anyone and I was hoping no one would come so early without sleeping or eating breakfast to visit me.

My dad gave me this beautiful wide smile and everyone gave me a hug and kiss. I'll never forget my A team which consisted of far too many people! They really pulled me through and kept up my spirits when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and just sleep forever.

Three years on and here I am. Thankful for organ donation. Thankful for all the donors and their families who are even more brave to make such a strong decision during the most weakest time in their life.

Thank you to all my beautiful family members, everyone and my beautiful friends. For as long as I am alive and breathing, I'll know who got me through this stage of my life and everyone that showered me with duas and prayers and love and positive thoughts. From the deepest part of my heart, thank you!

P.s. forgive me for all errors. Silly phone is lagging.

Originally written 3/05/18