Feeling out of place...

I miss the old me. The one that laughed so hard and made others laugh. I miss myself as a child where I could hide a tooth brush in my pocket and hope that my uncle will force me to stay the night down their house. I loved staying over my uncle's places. As a child I longed to just live amongst a large family which I did. I had a huge family and I LOVED it. As a child, I'd wish that all my uncles and aunts lived on the same street so my cousins, siblings and I could play all day and I'd never have to have that aching feeling of missing them.

I miss my life as a teenager where I could drop down to any of my relatives and know that I'd get a million dishes to eat whether it was after college or work, my mamani was always ready to feed us like my mum. There was never a shortage of love and warmth in my life.

I miss just knocking on my friends' door and just parking myself on their sofa and ordering my favourite biryani and watching horror movies. I miss making them walk me home arm in arm.

Here I am now, away from all of that. Not a door to knock on when I feel like some company. No aunt or uncle forcing me to stay the night. I don't need to carry a tooth brush anymore. These days everyone has spare toothbrushes but a welcoming heart is always difficult to find.

I miss my childhood completely. I miss my city. I miss my dad. I miss his phone calls. I miss not being able to talk about my feelings with him.

I have great people in my life but we are plodding along with hardships and struggles. This is the real life. The life away from our childhood. But I miss carrying a tooth brush and I wish those days would come back to me. Why couldn't I remain that tooth brush girl that made all her loved ones put a lipstick kiss in a notebook so she could put it under her pillow and feel closer to them when she missed them?

Warning: these are just my feelings and has nothing to do with anyone. It's good to reflect sometimes and appreciate the beauty of childhood.